


Moving Forward

by TheCaitalloWrites



Series: The End of the World as We Know It [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Gen, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Subtext, Zombie Apocalypse, no actual sebelliot but subtext
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 14:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11969235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCaitalloWrites/pseuds/TheCaitalloWrites
Summary: The boys move on from Paramus, but what they saw there haunts them.





	1. Adam

It was his turn to sleep, but sleep eluded Adam. This wasn’t the first time it had done so this week. His mind was racing, as it had since the horrors of Paramus. It would replay what they had seen, the stench of the place, and Elliott’s desperate, hysterical cries. It would haunt him with thoughts and worries he normally tried to ignore or suppress.  
  
His own family, so far away, could very well meet the same end as Elliott’s. Perhaps they already had. He’d probably never know, and he’d probably never see them again. Grief for people who may very well have still been alive gripped him tightly, choking him until he felt all the air had gone and making his chest ache. He felt sick.  
  
As carefully as he could, he moved away from Kurt, who seemed to be sleeping. He sat up and hugged his knees, resting his head upon them. Tears burned in his tired eyes.  
  
On some level, he had known since all this end of the world mess had started that he would probably never see or hear from his family again. It just wasn’t something it did him any good to dwell on, and so, admittedly, he actively tried not to think of it, of them, at all. It was terrible; it was wrong, but it was all he could do if he wanted to function.  
  
But now… now he was forced to face that fact, that brutal reality. Memories of times long past flashed into his mind, times he’d certainly never see again, as well as the imaginings of things that now would never happen. He’d never get to introduce them to Kurt. He’d never get to see his younger sister graduate. His older brother and his sister-in-law just had a baby before the world ended; he’d never actually get to meet his nephew.  
  
He’d never see his parents again. His mum, if she was still alive, was almost certainly beside herself worrying about him, so far away from them in the midst of all of this. She’d been a worrier even when the world wasn’t ending. He had no way to let her know he was alright.  
  
Not that he was exactly alright presently…  
  
He was trying to break down quietly, but he could still sense eyes on him. He lifted his head to find Elliott and Sebastian watching him. Sebastian looked away as soon as he’d been caught, but Elliott kept staring, his eyes with a knowing look to them.  
  
“Can’t sleep, huh?” He said quietly.  
  
Adam shook his head. Realizing Elliott might not have seen the gesture in the dark, he said, “No.”  
  
“You haven’t been,” Elliott commented, “I-I couldn’t help but notice… You wanna talk about it?”  
  
“S’pose I should, shouldn’t I?” Adam responded, but in truth, he very much doubted he could talk about it at the moment, not coherently at least.  
  
Elliott seemed to take the response as some sort of dismissal. “Well, you don’t have to, but if you want to, we’re here.”  
  
Adam nodded. “Thank you.”  
  
“You’ve done the same for me already, and you’ll probably have to do it again in the future,” Elliott said, “So, don’t mention it.” And he was right, of course, Elliott hadn’t been sleeping much either in the wake of their visit to his hometown, for obvious reasons.  
  
Adam nodded and rubbed a hand across his face. He was so tired, but his mind wouldn’t let him sleep. From behind him, he thought he heard Kurt stirring.  
  
“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, his voice heavy from sleep. The anxious confusion in his tone made Adam wonder if he had perhaps woken from a nightmare. Kurt had been having a lot of those lately.  
  
“Right here, love,” Adam told him. He tried to keep his tone steady, but there was no way to effectively hide that he’d been crying or that even now he was barely holding together. “It’s alright.”  
  
“No, it’s not,” Kurt argued gently, and he got up and walked over to Adam.  
  
“No, it’s not,” Adam echoed, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Kurt sat beside him and pulled him into his arms. Adam returned the embrace, taking great comfort in it. He released a shuddery sigh. “Couldn’t sleep,” he stated the obvious.  
  
“You haven’t been sleeping much since…”  
  
“I didn’t know it was that obvious… Elliott said the same…”  
  
“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked.  
  
Tears stung in Adam’s eyes again. He tried to blink them away, but more took their place. There was a lump in his throat that made it hard to talk.  
  
“Adam?” Kurt tried again.  
  
He couldn’t find the words; it was like his frantic mind had jumbled them all into a miserable mess. Finally, he stammered, “They might be dead—my family—back home—I don’t know if—” Every word before “dead” was a labor, and every word after spilled out of him with such desperation. A sob escaped him. “I’m prob-probably never gonna see-see any of them—ever again.” Saying it out loud made it even more real and made it hurt more than it ever had. He cried like he never had before; he couldn’t stop.  
  
For a while, Kurt said nothing, just held him tightly and ran a hand over the back of his head and his back. Adam thought he might have heard Sebastian and Elliott making whispered conversation, but it sounded so distant to him and so unreal that he may very well have just imagined it. Everything had that sort of unreal feeling to it, and Kurt’s arms holding him in place felt like the only thing grounding him.  
  
Kurt was all he had now… Well, that wasn’t entirely fair. He also had Sebastian and Elliott, who had already proven to be great friends. Their group was the closest thing to family he or Elliott had left. Perhaps that was why Elliott had wanted to travel with them.  
  
With some hesitance, Kurt finally spoke again, “I’m so sorry, Adam. I can’t even imagine… I mean, if I thought I’d never see my dad again I don’t know what I’d do.”  
  
“They would’ve loved you…my family… I just know it.” It didn’t follow what Kurt had said, and Adam wasn’t sure why he’d felt compelled to say it.  
  
“I’d love to meet them someday.” And the fact that Kurt worded that like it might still be possible wasn’t lost on Adam.  
  
He pulled away slightly so that he could see Kurt’s face. His eyes met those blue eyes that shone, even in the dark, and in them he saw hope. Through his grief, he could feel light and warmth, just a spark, just enough, and he was certain in that moment he had never loved anyone more in his entire life. “I… I’d love that, too.”


	2. Kurt

Kurt didn’t know if he’d ever see his dad again. It was something he tried not to think of, but in the wake of what they’d all seen at Paramus he’d been forced to face it. There was a very real, very unthinkably terrifying and devastating possibility that they would arrive on a similar scene in Lima, Ohio.  
  
Which wasn’t to say he didn’t have faith in his family, of course. Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson were two of the strongest people Kurt had ever known. His dad had guns and attitude and knew how to use both. Kurt had faith in his dad’s ability to survive this, and to keep the rest of his family alive.  
  
But, at the same time, things _happened_ , and there was no sense in pretending his family was immune to disaster just because they had guns, or they were Hummels (and Hudsons, Hudsons were made of pretty tough stuff, too.)  
  
After all, he and Rachel had been fairly confident about their barricade in the loft, hadn’t they? Santana had been certain she’d be back after she got Dani, hadn’t she? The four of them had all been sure they’d have a place to say in Paramus…  
  
The point being: The apocalypse fucked everyone over, and it didn’t care who you were, how tough you were, or how prepared you thought you were. It didn’t care about your plans, your feelings, or who you loved. When he considered it, Kurt supposed life had always been that way actually, brutal in its indifference, but the end of the world really helped to highlight that fact.  
  
Still, he had to hope for the best, didn’t he? Hold onto a sense of hope and hold onto the faith he had in his family to stay alive. He had to. If he didn’t, then what was the point of continuing their journey? Hell, what would be the point of _anything_?  
  
And whatever, good or bad, was waiting for them in Lima, when they finally made it, well, they’d deal with that when they got there. For now, they had to stay alive and keep going and just hope everyone in Lima was doing the same.


	3. Sebastian

Sebastian was never particularly close to his family. The Smythes were a distant bunch, and that suited Sebastian just fine because he was distant, too. Well, normally he was distant… Lately, a lot of his usual walls had been damaged.  
  
Paramus had him thinking about a lot of stuff. Stuff he might normally not have bothered to unpack. For one thing, he found himself thinking about his family. They had either found a way to flee or had hid themselves in one giant property or another, or they were all dead. He saw no other alternatives. Either way, he somewhat doubted he’d see them again. And that… hurt? Maybe not as much as it should have, as much as it would have if the Smythes were a different kind of people, but it still did. He couldn’t help but wonder if they thought of him at all, worried about him even. It gave him an odd aching, twisty feeling in his chest, and he didn’t really know how to deal with it.  
  
Then, there was the fact that he’d somehow allowed himself to catch feelings. He’d let Elliott Gilbert in, and now things were starting to get messy and emotional. Why had he done that? He never did that! Regardless… he had, and he couldn’t exactly undo that.  
  
So, he found himself torn up inside as he watched the other man suffer and struggle with his grief. And it wasn’t like he’d never felt empathy for anyone before, but _this_ was some next level shit. God, if he could just… What? What could he even do?  
  
He did all he knew to do. He stayed up with his friend when he could. He talked to him when he needed it, and on one occasion, he had even held him while he cried. Sebastian Smythe had been a fucking shoulder to cry on! He had _never_ been that guy for anyone before, and yet now, here he was. And he knew he was well and truly fucked emotionally because he would do it again if Elliott needed him to!  
  
He didn’t know what, if anything, he needed to do about the whole feelings situation. Maybe they’d go away eventually. Maybe if they fucked, or maybe if he fucked someone else… (It had been so long since he’d last had sex, too long! But that was another subject...or maybe it was, maybe it was related, whatever.) Or maybe, God forbid, they’d have to talk about it at some point. What if Elliott had some sort of similar feelings of his own? Ugh. The way his insides fluttered at the thought of that was gross. What was happening to him?  
  
He shook his head. Now was not the time for that, any of that. And so, carefully, he boxed all of it back up and put it back into storage, right next to the box labelled “familial concerns”. Maybe it would all stay there unpacked.  
  
Or maybe at some point, Elliott would drag it all out of him. Who the hell knew at this point?


	4. Elliott

Elliott hadn’t slept more than an hour or two since… His world had ended. It was funny, wasn’t it? The world was ending, it was a real live fucking apocalypse, and yet… _His world_ was only ending now.  
  
His past and his future were both destroyed. He was left with nothing but here and now. He was lucky to have Sebastian and their new companions; without them he wouldn’t have made it through. As it was, he still felt like he could go completely to pieces at any time; it wouldn’t take much at all. He was already broken.  
  
He could never go home again. He would never see his family again. They were just _gone_. All of it was just _gone _.__  
  
Some moments it left him hollow, numb. Others the hurt was so intense, unlike any he’d ever known before. He didn’t know he could hurt so bad and still live. He supposed humans, for all their frailties, really were designed to survive even the worst shit imaginable. He felt like walking proof of that as they traveled on, leaving the wreckage of his old hometown further and further behind them. Because each passing day after the end of his world, he was shocked to find himself still breathing, still moving forward, still unbelievably, _painfully_ alive.  
  
And sometimes, usually on late, sleepless nights when Seb, Kurt, or Adam were also awake and could talk him through some of the turmoil and devastation in his head and heart, he even felt the faintest spark of hope. He realized why he clung so tightly to life even though nearly every moment was torment. In a kind word from Adam, a strong, supportive hand on his shoulder from Kurt when words had failed them both, in Seb’s arms one night when he simply couldn’t hold it together anymore, in those moments, he realized it. His past was in ruins, his present was shaky, but sometimes he felt maybe just maybe there was some sort of hope for his future. His world had ended, but in its ashes a new world was forming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was mostly sad introspective stuff! Next update might have a bit more actual action to it. Also, no, I don't know why I wrote Adam's chapter different to how I wrote everyone else's, really. It just happened that way. And I really wanted Elliott's chapter to be longer, but it's so emotionally intense I really just couldn't make it longer! Anyway! As always, your views/kudos/feedback/etc is always appreciated!


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